Sure, I’m single and am no means an expert, but I have had a Match.com account on and off for two years now, and have been on a TON of dates from the site….some DREADFUL. Learn from my mistakes:

• Pick good photos: Let’s face it, no one is going to read your profile unless you hook them in with a good photo first. Guys, this means stand out from the typical “guy profile”. The typical male profile consists of 1 photo taken by himself in the mirror, 1 picture of a random landscape (no person anywhere in sight), 1 photo with a car (sometimes he’s not in the photo, sometimes he squatting down next to it with pride) and lastly, my personal favorite, the “Hey look I’m with someone else’s baby because I’m so sensitive, ladies” photo. But really, all that matters is the most important rule: If a person has five photos, four of which look good and one looks a bit “off”… the one weird one is how they really look.

• This one’s pretty obvious; don’t lie on your profile. You want to know why? Because you won’t get away with it. Are you a 5’7” guy, but put down 5’9”? Yeah, guess what, I’m gonna be damn pissed when you showed up two inches shorter than you said… not because you’re shorter than me (I’ve dated guys shorter than me, I don’t care) but because you lied. Really, did you think I wouldn’t notice? And Girls, don’t say “I’m a simple girl that likes to stay at home and watch movies” then have all of your photos be you drunk of your ass in some club. If you’re a ho and are on match just for some ass, just do what everyone else does, say you’re trying online dating just “to see what’s out there”.

• There’s an option on your profile to write your salary scale: Do not answer it, leave it blank. It is not a stranger’s business to know how much you make a year, and vice versa. If you are on match and see a profile you like but then scroll down and say, “Oh, nevermind, he only makes $25,000-$30,000”, you are a piece of shit. Frankly, I just find the option tacky. If you want a guy for his money, go on sugardaddy.com… or guys, go to a cougar bar. And honestly, Match is overrun by a younger crowd of people looking to casually date. If you want a spouse/bread-winner, take that shit to eHarmony.

• When planning a first date, a drink at a bar or meeting for coffee is the best best. Again, you’ve never actually met this person in real life before, and as we learned above, profile’s can be deceiving… and dinners can last a long time if things turn bad, believe me. There’s nothing worse than being stuck at a dinner table with someone when the conversation runs dry and the entrees haven’t even arrived yet.

• Girls, do not, I repeat, DO NOT let the guy pick you up for the first date/meeting. Ok, so you tricked someone into thinking you’re interesting. Take your car (or whatever means of transportation) and meet him there. That way, if it’s awful, you’re not stuck having an awkward car ride back with someone completely devoid of personality… or personal hygiene.

• Guys, if and when a second date happens, pick the girl up. If she’s like me, living in an apartment and says, “Call me when you’re outside”, do it but when she comes out of the building, get out of the car. Walk around the car, hug her, say hello, then open the door. Do not sit in the car, reach across and unlock the door. I don’t care about this after that first pickup, but it just makes a girl feel like a girl. Another simple one, but do it. 


Now after the second date, you’re on your own. I’ve been on many first, second and sometimes third dates… but after that is where my advice would be useless since I obviously need help in that department. So when someone writes the “I can land a guy but once I do I freak the fuck out/getting over your commitment issues what to do” list, let a bitch know.